Being needed

Being a mom isn't an easy job. It's messy, it's noisy, it's thankless, and often dangerous. OK, for some of you it may not be so much dangerous, but in my case it's dangerous considering the vast number of bees my son and his friends have captured and released on my porch. The days are long, the nights are longer. The children seem to get bigger and louder and smellier with each passing month.

Their problems become more complex and their needs more complicated. Eli, for example, needs only to be fed, changed, tickled every now and again, and kept from killing himself in some freak stair or electrical outlet accident. He needs to be rocked when he's sick or sad. And he needs his daddy to come home from work every evening and scoop him up in his arms.

Alayna, on the other hand, just came up with a large wad of gum stuck in her hair and is now sobbing and the thought of having to cut it out. She also sobs when Eli slobbers on her nappy looking baby doll, Dot. And there is more sobbing still when I ask her to eat a hot dog for lunch. She needs to be played with every waking hour of every day. She needs to follow me around and be my "helper." She needs to wear pink. She needs to wear sparkles on her cheeks and lips. She needs to not have to have her hair done because she wants it straight down like a princess. She needs a lot of attention and validation, and because she is so beautiful and sweet, she gets it.

Isaac's needs have changed drastically over the past year. Where he once needed me to play with him, read to him, and give him piggy back rides, he now needs me to tell him he can go out and play with friends. He needs an endless supply of empty bottles for catching bugs. He needs me to fix his bike tire so he can take off and ride with the big boys. He needs to be fed every hour and a half. He needs me to get him books from the library, and then reads them himself. He needs me to walk him to school and not embarass him when we get there. Fortunately for me, he still needs me to tuck him in at night. When that is no longer needed, I'm gonna feel very usless indeed.

This past month has been a crazy one. I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions and had a million different needs to fill. I have had a sick baby for a couple weeks now and he needs me more than ever. I have been sick and have needed help from others. I finally filled one of my own needs last night and went to a movie with some ladies from the neighborhood. Thanks to Jason for taking the nighttime vigil with Eli so I could get a break! Now I need to go wash the puked on sheets.

The funny thing is, as tired as I am and as crappy as I have felt the past couple weeks, I love to be needed. I don't love that my baby is sick, but I love that I can comfort him. I don't love playing Polly Pockets, but I love that my daughter still needs and wants me to play with her. I don't love sitting down next to a jar full of angry bees at the dinner table, but I love that my boy is still excited to show them to me. Being a mom is hard, but it is needed.

OK, now that I'm done relfecting on all the wonderful stuff I love about being a mom, I really need to go work on getting that gum out of Alayna's hair...