Looking For a Job?

Jason speaking. So since Erika has been a bit too busy to blog this week, I've decided to jump in and take over for one post. It was either update the blog or clean all the half-chewed peanut butter cracker goo off the kitchen floor, so I went with updating the blog.

I've been doing some hiring at work for some telemarketing positions lately and have had some very discouraging, albeit hilarious, resumes come across my desk. Let me just say that whenever I hear the unemployment rate is at 7% I really suspect it is only at 2% because I truly believe that 5% of the workforce is unemployable. These resumes reinforce my theory.

Here are a few of the highlights (or lowlights) I've pulled from various winners over the past couple of weeks. I've posted them just as they appear on the actual resume - no editing involved. Enjoy!

Funny Resume Quotes of the day

1. Experience Using tape measure.

2. Administered urinalysis testing on a daily basis to all clientele

3. nelson nutrasiticols: run a prodaction line,trine new employees,clean the machines ofter a order is don. Prodaction

4. I don't really want to waste your time my Background shows a that I am a convicted felon of only duis. I don't have a Criminal Records not in a gang nor like getting in trouble just made my mistakes.

5. Personal: Interest in people, concern for human rights

6. Prepare and grind meat to process into hamburgers

7. Sold pumps and compressors to all major industrial planys and manufactoring faciities.

8. I have worked with animals and have a special interest in them. I have done a numerous things for them from feeding, making sure they were not sick and if they were how to treat them, branding and cutting cattle, (and my stepfather had me help in fixing male cats), and treating my own pets. I also have a dog at home that requires special attention because he is allergic to everything under the sun; he even has to have special dog food to keep him from itching. I have to make sure he gets his medicine every morning and has baths regularly.

9. Justice Court Clerk - Traffic Reason for leaving: Fired for using too much sick and vacation time.

10. 08/2008 - 03/2009 Stage Coach Realty Thayne, WY: Spay painted nick nacks and helped with decorating dessisions. I would run arons for my client. I would prepare customers foor on the cut table and serve it and I refeeled thiers drinks when needed. I would take the residents food orders they always had two choices to pick from and then I served them thier meal and desert at breakfast and lunch. I cleaned up after each meal, I would buss the tables and reset them. I also cleaned the reisents apartments, I would change their trash, wipe down the counters, sink, baths, floors, toilet, I gave them fresh towels, and made thier bed, I vacumed, and dusted.

11. Subject line of email: “I am sorry my resume is not that good”

12. Special Skills and Abilities “I only speak english”

13. I get along with everyone, so I’d work well with others

14. Prior Experience:
I'm really good with people!
I work hard at what I do!
I catch on really fast!
I listen really well!
I'm really motivated!
I'm outgoing and determined!

15. I also learned team work because you cant do It all by your self and you need help on something’s.

16. I've discovered over time my best skill is in foods, lawns, and customer service, and sales.

17. I am interested in this position. I am available to start right away. I will send my resume when I get off work.

18. Extensive ability to administer procedures related to safety and security, sound ability to communicate clearly concisely orally and written, responsible and dedicated team player with ability to handle clients of all backgrounds.

19. United Parcel Service ((Did not work there much, broke two fingers on the job yet I still added on a couple days of work after the injury.)