Costco: 'nuff said

Where can you go to get milk, diapers, Easter dresses, camping tents, and the life sucked out of you all under one roof? Costco, that's where. I know, I know, I've done a Costco post before, but after today's adventure, it really deserves another look.

My kids were surprisingly well behaved this time around. I came prepared with Valentine's suckers and the promise of endless samples if they would at least try to act like civilized creatures, and they were angels right up until the bitter end. Well, just before the bitter end, I guess.

I blame myself for the meltdowns that occurred at the checkout counter. If I hadn't spent so much time deliberating over whether or not to buy Alayna that gorgeous Easter dress at the beginning of the shopping trip, we would have made it out of the warehouse in plenty of time to avoid the one-year-old-laying-on-the-nasty-floor trick. We bought the dress. She better love it.

The samples were just getting started for the day, so some hadn't made it onto their napkins yet when we were making our rounds. This didn't sit well with my three bottomless pit children. Fortunately for us, the Otis Spunkmeyer cookie lady was on top of things and we were the first in the store to partake of their chocolaty goodness. The next to partake of the chocolaty goodness was the Easter dress. Not cool. That chocolate smear better come out.

I put mounds and mounds of frozen goods, juice, and random meat into our cart, along with the much anticipate diapers and toilet paper (we were darn near using phone book pages as a TP substitute at our house). And then a surprise addition to the usual boxes and bags: a family sized camping tent for Jason! It weighs half a ton and made pushing the cart around darn near impossible, especially while holding a drowsy Eli in one arm and half eaten slice of Nutella toast in the other hand. But we finally made it to the checkout!

Glancing at my watch, I noticed we had exactly 30 minutes before Isaac was supposed to be in school and we hadn't even made it to the front of the line yet, let alone purchased our requisite hot dog and churro! This was going to be close. It was at this juncture that Eli decided he was done to the Nth degree and flung himself out of my arms and onto the floor. He began clinging to my legs just like he does at home when he's tired, but it wasn't quite as cute in this setting. It was finally my turn to put all my oversized boxes onto the conveyer belt, and I couldn't move. Eli had both my legs in a vice-like grip and wouldn't let go. He wouldn't let me pick him up, he wouldn't let me move him an inch. He just wanted to hold onto my legs and cry. This was stressful. Apparenly the oldish lady behind me didn't notice my agony because she began saying in a very loud voice, "I'm kind of in a hurry here!" Aren't we all, lady?!

10 minutes, one angry baby, one preschooler with chocolate all over her face and sweater, one rejected credit card (who knew they didn't take Visa?), one impatient elderly person, and one inappropriate comment from my children about the midget that works there, and we were in line for hot dogs. Three hot dogs, three drinks, and one churro sounded like a good idea on paper. The real world was a different matter. Isaac proceeded to drop one hot dog on the floor approximately 7 seconds after I handed them to him so I could pull the cart. We scooped it up and contintued out the door.

I don't know how I managed to get nearly $XXX worth of crap, three kids, three hot dogs, three drinks, and one churro to the car, but I did it. I almost managed to get Isaac to school on time, too - almost, but not quite. Now that we're home, I don't have the energy to put said crap away. This, my friends, is why I despise Costco. Even on days when my kids are as good as they possibly can be, it still sucks the life out of me. But really, that Easter dress is adorable, chocolate smear and all!